by Nunca Correcta

With the season abruptly over, Heavy & Ginny looked around for a purpose. No matter how expected, the end always seemed to catch Heavy unawares. It was time to settle down & accomplish something; anything of significance. Instead they eloped & settled in a trailer park in Amarillo recommended by Ginny's Uncle Al. Heavy worked on his memoirs while Ginny took a job as a cocktail waitress in a nearby saloon. The entire park was flattened by a freak early season tornado 33 days later. Both Ginny & Heavy, having been at the saloon at the time, survived the disaster. Somewhat downtrodden, they packed the remains of their possessions in the Ford Suburban & headed for El Paso, where they ran into Wooly Walker in the first of a series of strange encounters.

Wooly's wife had divorced him after the humiliating loss to San Antonio had eliminated the Sonics from the playoffs. In a team house cleaning, Dick Sand had been promoted to President & General Manager, this time with a real job description & actual duties beyond dressing up as Squatch at book signings & charity events. Wooly had been named a scout, & given the territory between Orange & Houston, where he also moonlighted in a local Starbruick's as a burristo trying to make ends meet. His wife having left him destitute in the divorce, which included the loss of his 10% of the Sonics, Wooly found it difficult to focus beyond his anger. Reminiscing one day, he absent-mindedly spilled a steaming hot latte on a 86 year old abuela & soon found himself transferred to El Paso a result of the ensuing lawsuit.

There he encountered Heavy, who had risen to assistant swing shift manager of nacho & jalapeno flavors at the local pork rind factory. Ginny had taken a job as a cocktail waitress, which lasted until the birth of the first of their three children, all boys. In a move that shocked Sonic watchers, Wooly was named godfather to the children. It was a responsibility he didn't relish, but in Texas, one that couldn't be refused.

When it became apparent what a dead end job Heavy really had landed in, the family of five said goodbye to Texas for the last time, loaded up the Jeep Cherokee, & moved back to Tukwila. There Heavy landed a job as Manager of a Yabba Dabba Drobnjak Duncan Donuts, Piroshkee, & Turkish Luxury Coffee franchise handed to him on a silver platter by his old friend Peja. Ginny took a job as a cocktail waitress. When YDDDD, P, &TLC as it had become known, was bought out by Starbruick's, & in the process it was discovered that Mark Cuban was a 50% owner of the former; the NBA began a collusion investigation. Things were moving right along until it became known that the abuela from Houston was David Sternum's own; & having settled for 2,000,000 Starbruick's shares in their litigation, a rich matriarch in her own right. When the FCC (Federal Coffee Commission) began a conspiracy investigation, Heavy figured it was time to git while the gettin' was good.

They left the colorful Cherokee parked in the driveway of Heavy's sister's place; loaded up their now considerable belongings into a rented moving truck; & headed lock, stock, & several barrels to the high country of New Mexico where Ginny took a job as a cocktail waitress. Heavy painted vistas & worked on his memoirs. Having been raised in Texas, the boys loved the arid climate of the high plateau, & quickly replaced the patina they had sported in the Great Northwest with a normal healthy skin color.

On a trip to Mexico, which the family had come to love, they literally ran into Wooly again with their rented Humvee in Guadalajara. Recovering from a mechanical bull accident, Wooly had been recuperating, body AND mind, at Aguas Calientes, a nearby spa recently purchased by Dr. Sundaze; & had come into town to do some shopping. Wooly liked the area so much, he was considering buying a condo in the American retirement community of Lake Chapala just to the south. Since his 10% investment into the Monterrey Mountaineers of the newly created LDMNBA (NBA Mexican Developmental League) was panning out so well, he was considering becoming an expatriate as his current Senora was urging, & living in the area full time.

A surprising part of the team's success had come from an unexpected source. Vin Baker had been urged out of retirement, & was leading not only the Mountaineers team but the entire league in unforced injuries. A brief scandal had erupted when a cross-dressing immuybonito had been discovered to be a member of the dance team. But he was quickly deported for violating the terms of his visa. Later he was tragically found in a drug tunnel near Mexicali with a flower in his hair trying to re-enter the country. It is recounted that his final words were, "Vin, I never new thie".

The Sonics won it all in 2005 after a hotly contested & acrimonious Western Conference Finals with the former Dallas Mavericks. Previous owner Mark Cuban was fined $50,000,000 for refusing to sell coffee during series home games at the American Airlines Arena in a thinly veiled protest against the actions of Commissioner Sternum & his grandmother, who had repeatedly complained of the lack of "American" food at the Maverick's home venue. This so incensed Cuban that he sold a 49% share of the Mavericks to Tio Taco, who promised a further infusion of capital to pay for Mark's anticipated future fines.

Presidente Bush even interceded on Cuban's behalf, but his support was minimalized when he was kidnapped after orchestrating his third unsuccessful coup attempt in Venezuela. Although he resurfaced in Caracas shortly thereafter in the back of a menudo shop, Colin Powell never fully relinquished power after Dick Cheney had had a tragic heart attack over the untimely incident (even though some suggested it was he who had been ultimately responsible for the president's kidnapping).

Since it was Cuban's 17th fineable gesture during the season, it resulted in banishment to the LDMNBA where he took over the Culiacan Conquistadores after a hard-fought battle with the Mexican Syndicate. Cuban's other 51% of the Mavericks was sold by the league to a prematurely geriatric & senile Spike Lee, who moved the team to Tampa Bay & renamed it the Booties. ( Editor's Note: We assume in reference to Pirate Treasure). Taco Tio, for its part, added Black Beans & Habernero Sauce, to the menu calling it "The Cuban" in honor of their previous partner, infuriating the Florida anti-Castro crowd, resulting in a well documented Bootie Boycott.

Heavy remained in New Mexico until his untimely death at age 46 from choking on a burrito. His memoirs were published posthumously by the Sonics' new beat writer, Kevin Pelton.

Goodbye Seattle; We Love You!

Editor's Note: The preceding is fiction. Any resemblance to real people, events, or locations is purely coincidence.

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