So, I'm reading the Brent Barry season-in-review from Supersonics.com. Nothing particularly interesting; a soundbyte from Rick Sund, but nothing remotely earth-shattering. Then it hits me . . . I never recapped the various players' efforts for SonicsCentral! This is a serious matter. Any self- respecting fan website with commentary like we have better damned well make a post-season comment on at least most of the players. But I'm not interested in some boring traditional sentence about each player.

Instead, here's what I've come up with. Each player (well, almost all . . . you try to come up with one for a certain injury-plagued center) will have the story of their season told as if it were a book for children, complete with various morals for those involved with the team and the players themselves. Not only do I find this creative, it also allows me the opportunity out of weaseling out of anything by claiming you've misread which player I mean (*wink*). If you can't figure out which player is which, here's another school-age hint: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ, now I know my ABCs. Without further ado:

The Boy who Cried Thin
Based on a certain underachieving power forward, tells the story of a child who is constantly promising that this is the year that he'll lose weight, behave, and get good grades. Of course, he never does, and by the time he's really ready to buckle down, nobody cares anymore.

Morals: for management -- trade him now . . . please? . . . for beat writers: stop telling us how this is the year that forward's going to get it together (this one applies to me too).

The Can't Miss Kid
Based on a certain lanky, witty shooting guard, tells the story of a kid who is always told by his teachers that he will be a success in the future. When he gets into the job market, he struggles with the pressure and is stuck in middle management. Then, with a lot of hard work and a little luck, he starts his own business and is a huge success . . . until he loses an all-important bid that could have really put the business on the map (wow, that ending sucks).

Morals: for fans -- don't be so quick to write someone off as a failure . . . for players -- keep working hard; you never know when it's all going to come together.

The Tortoise (no hare)
Based on a certain led-footed foreign big man, tells the story of a kid in a new town who wants nothing more than to become a good artist. He struggles while all his classmates are drawing pretty pictures that go on their parents' refrigerators. When time comes for the class drawing to be done, two classmates are sick, leaving only the slow learner. He composes a true masterpiece, revealing that he had the talent and ability within him all the time, and gaining the respect of his new friends.

Morals: for fans -- again, not so quick to write someone off, especially when adjusting to a new country . . . for players -- don't get discouraged; if at first you don't succeed, try again.

The Boy from the Other Side of the Tracks
Based on a certain inconsistent center, tells the story of a young boy who comes from a lower class background but is extremely intelligent. After this prodigious ability is discovered, he coasts, gets lazy, and sent back to regular classes. Instead of sulking, he works hard before being taken under the wing of a teacher from the advanced classes. Though his performance is spotty at times, he makes a lot of money and helps his large family.

Morals: for management -- there are diamonds in the rough out there to be had . . . for players -- sometimes getting back to the top requires going to the bottom.

Sick Sammy
Based on a certain quiet but productive small forward, tells the story of a high schooler who has a cold before the SATs and feels he is too sick to take them, not wanting to mess up his future with a bad performance or by getting sicker. His dad eventually convinces him that the potential reward is too great. Although he catches the flu during the test and has to stay at home afterwards, the boy gets an excellent score and receives a scholarship to the school of his choice.

Morals: for players -- sometimes, you have to play through pain.

The Mistake-Free Lawnmower
Based on a certain journeyman point guard, tells the story of a teenage boy cutting lawns who is extremely dilligent. He is never happy until every blade is exactly the same height, with no clippings on the sidewalk or in the garden. Then, when paytime comes, he gets a huge bonus.

Morals: for players -- error-free ball is always appreciated in these parts.

Second-Chance Success
Based on a certain undersized but hard-working big man, tells the story of a teacher who has a number of problems on his resume and isn't considered smart enough to teach by some. A desperate school gives him a chance, and he rewards their faith by briefly becoming one of the school's top teachers.

Morals: for players -- hard work pays off, and it's never too late to remake yourself . . . for management -- it's always okay to give a second chance . . . and sometimes a third.

Practice Makes Better
Based on a certain swingman with a much-improved jumper, this inspirational story deals with a young child whose only dream in life is to be able to skip rocks. When his class goes to the beach, he is embarrassed that he cannot. To improve, he works with his older brother, an expert rock skipper, and shines when the class returns to the beach.

Morals: for players -- even a weakness can become a strength with enough work . . . for management -- sometimes those who can ought to teach as well as do.

The One-Dimensional Operator
Based on a certain active bigman with one main skill, tells the story of an intelligent young boy who decides that he wants to focus on just one subject and become the best he can at it. Though he becomes one of the best math students in his school, because he is not well-rounded, he is still not considered one of the smartest.

Morals: for players -- a well-rounded game is always better . . . for fans -- don't look past other weaknesses just because a player is strong in one area.

Old Dogs Can Learn New Tricks
Based on a certain all-world point guard, this tells the story of not a child, but an adult. A veteran teacher is very effective at her work, but still unpopular because of her occasionally surly attitude and fighting wtih the principal. Shaken by the threat of being forced to change skills, the teacher changes her ways and achieves success in all areas of her work, being lauded for her efforts.

Morals: for players -- just because you've done things one way for years doesn't mean it always has to be that way . . . for management -- sometimes players need a little push in the right direction.

The Fearless Kid
Based on a certain talented foreign rookie, tells the story of a boy who goes with his family to an old military fort. There are a number of dark underground passages which most kids of his age are deathly afraid of. He, however, goes in with no hesitation. Even after being bit by a spider in one trip, he continues to explore and eventually finds hidden treasure in one of the passageways.

Morals: for players -- youth or inexprience is no excuse for being fearful . . . for fans -- mistakes by young players are sometimes a key part of the learning process.

The Boy Who Wouldn't Take no for an Answer
Based on a certain point guard wise beyond his years, tells the story of a boy who's always told that he is unfit to serve as a hall monitor. He's too small, the older kids won't respect him, he doesn't know what he's doing. The boy ignores the naysayers and effectively does his job, but is still not trusted to work during the busiest time of the year, around graduation. He handles this, like everything else, with composure.

Morals: for players -- always believe in yourself, even if nobody else does . . . for management -- as the Hudsucker Proxy taught us, it's a paradox: you can't get experience without being trusted to play . . .and you can't play without experience . . . escape the paradox.

The No-Share Kid
Based on a certain trigger-happy point guard, tells the story of an only child who never quite learned about sharing during his childhood. Now, as a result, he is unpopular and has few friends, as nobody wants to watch him play with his toys without sharing.

Morals: for players -- nothing complicated . . . pass the damn ball!